Five Mistakes of {This} New Mother

New fathers make all kinds of goofy mistakes. It's silly to pretend otherwise and robs couples of coffee-snorting inside jokes years later. In order to wave at the perpetually offended and loosen up the tightly wound, I cheerfully admit my laughter at Clorox's advertisement and add a little maternal balance.

 (So sorry, Rees, this was all you...):


1.) In a wee-hour stupor, I picked up my mewing newborn upside down. I was so tired, I held him head-down for probably ten seconds, utterly confused as to where his head went, then panicked that someone hurt him in the one hour I'd been sleeping. He vomited; I cried; we bonded.

2.) On day two of his life, I had a crunchy moment and hoped to reconnect his comfort from the womb by putting him in a warm tub. He hated it but I made him stay there for a long time, swooshing water over his tiny tummy, insisting that he loved it. I'm not sure how long we stayed there. I think Ken finally stopped me.

3.) The first time I went grocery shopping with my new son, I locked him, the diaper bag, and the keys in the car. I couldn't leave him in the parking lot and enter the store to locate a telephone, so I stood beside it and cried. Remember that eighteen years ago, every single person did not have a cell phone so I had to wait for someone to offer to go inside and call my (then) Marine husband. But we lived in a different town, not on base, and it took him half an hour to get to us ~ baby Rees wailing inside the car; me sobbing outside the car. I never did shop that day. I think we had Ramen noodles for supper.

*Now I know I titled this "Five Mistakes," but I can only think of three, so these next two are Ken's mistakes . . .

4.) He used to grasp the front zipper of Rees' snowsuit and swing him like a pendulum (which he loved). I'm not sure this even counts as a mistake, but it shocks new parents and "experts" so it counts.

5.) He could not (and still cannot. Maybe he refuses?) snap snaps on onesies, so he just let them hang. So attractive.

Clearly, we all do some things all right and some things all wrong. Or not. Admit it; make some coffee; laugh over it (Don't forget the napkins.) ~

Hey, Rees turned out just fine!

From one laughing mother to another,
Allison