Where Rees and John attempt humorous writing ...

Rees and John's writing assignment this week was Something Personal.  I rotate topics : a Current Event,  Something You're Reading,  A Persuasion,  and this week's.  After they insisted that guys don't actually think about things and I insisted they sit down, let their minds wander, and begin writing, this is what I was presented with by the 5pm Friday deadline :


I AM JOSEPH
By Rees Howell

Hello everyone, my name is Joseph. I am 2 years old and I live in the best house ever. My dad made it himself a long time ago. You can call Me whatever you want. Some people call Me “Jofus”, while others call Me baby. Sometimes, they say “hey you” (and expect Me to respond the first time they say it). There are some people that actually call Me Joseph. I end up answering to all of them though, but to Me; I’m Me. The life of Me is great! When I get up, I dress how I want. Usually just a shirt and diaper will do, but sometimes I have to put underwear on over the diaper. When guests are at the house, I get dressed up and put on socks! I have decided that footgear is the only required equipment in order to go outside. Sneakers, rubber boots, cowboy boots, any will do (even in winter). But most of all, contrary to popular belief, I can do ANYTHING!

One of the coolest things about Me is My extended use of vocabulary. I can say so many things. Here is just a sampling. More: do it again, or give Me that again. Please: I have to have it NOW, because I think I need it (and I will get it since I’m using nice words). Yes: My favorite word. I agree with almost everything, and people say it’s cute when I say it (the boys say guys can’t be cute, but that shows how much they know!). No: My second favorite word. No, I don’t want that, or need it. No you can’t take it, nor give it to Me. “Brrmm Brrmmm” (any vehicle): tells someone that they are, were, or will be, in a car or 4-wheeler. Or maybe they will let Me ride! Go: usually refers to a dog, or someone acting like a dog. Toot: a funny, pointless remark made after a noise that makes everyone laugh. Train (My movie): something said to put on “The Screen of Relaxation”. It’s a land of talking trains, and wooden people. Most important of all, I have some names down: Da (father), Mom (mother), Wee (Rees), Don (John), Cla (Clare), Ena (Ian), and Lu (Luke). They’re amazing!

Everyone in My family is a little different. There’s Rees: the guy I play with, and the one who gives Me candy and chips. John: the “mean one”. He’s not really mean, but he always puts Me to bed, and I hate that. Dad: he always makes Me happy, especially when I’m sad. Clare: she’s either really nice or really mean (her personality is extreme). Luke switches between the “Coolest Guy Ever”, to the “He-hit-Me-again” kind of guy. Ian is just another boy with crazy sounds and faces. He’s a cross between Clare and Luke. Then there’s Mom. I can’t live without her. She is everyone else, and then some. Mom is My whole life. My family is amazing and My life would be boring without even one of them. I mean, besides learning good things from them, how else would I learn to fight and stand up for myself? After I’ve thought about it, it’s great to be Joseph Howell.

And John's :

Special Radar

By JKH.

Silence… it’s a rare moment in my house. You see every kid from the age if birth to about 10 or 11 have

a special kind of radar that seeks out anyone who needs silence for something (phone call, school work

etc.) and then sends out call for any kind of loud noise possible. For instance someone will leave a

message on the phone and then suddenly Ian stubs his toe, or maybe Luke needs to practice singing

Bach. It can be very annoying sometimes especially if you’re in the middle of a tough algebra problem

and Luke decides that Ian has a Lego piece that’s his (“MINE!!!!” “NOOOO ITS MINE!!!”). After some

time I have discovered two things: one the best time to school work is in the early morning, and two I

think I’m going to join the silent monks!

Which inspired Clare :

Hi everyone! My name is Luke. I am 4 years old and I live in the coolest house ever! (Leaving out the fact that my Dad threw out the train table). my Dad built it himself, before anyone even knew about me. (Amazing, isn’t? I mean, normally I’m the center of attention!). One of the most important rules about me is that you may only, only call Me Luke. I do not like to be called bad Luke, or tooty Luke (I hate that one the most), when I wake up in mom and dad’s bed, which is unofficially mine too, (I come down at night and sleep there) I lay in front of the heater until mom fusses at me to put some clothes on. Then, I put on the clothes I wore yesterday, and, so mom won’t notice, I will strategically put on a jacket, and slip on my snow gear and am outside before she realizes what’s going on! (Face it, I’m awesome).

I have different names for everybody, though most I shouldn’t say, I’ll tell you what I can. (Mom, dad, and Rees don’t count.)    Dummy (John) poop kid (Clare) and Fat-kid (Joseph). Ian, well, he’s just my slave, you might say.

Everyone here is different, there’s Dad, the Guy who plays trains with me, Mom, she reads me stories, and helps me weasel my way out of things, such as pushing Ian (please don’t think me too bad, he is always too sensitive.), Rees gives me chips and puts on Thomas the tank engine for me, John is none of my concern (he’s never at home), Clare’s temper varies, Ian is my personal servant and train-track-builder, Joseph is my playmate, plaything, and personal punchbag.

Now that I’ve thought about it, it’s great to be Luke Howell!

Grammatical mistakes unfixed by their teacher, because then it would be my work, not theirs!
Wincing with pride (!),
Allison