Raising children with CF drives me to extremes:
* I want people to treat them just like anyone else.
* I want people to treat them with kid gloves.
* I'm comfortable in the hospital.
* I want to burn down the hospital.
* I thank God for the extra gifts in caring for kids with health problems.
* I can barely speak to God.
* I am capable and strong.
* I am weak and sad.
* I'm just like any mom.
* I don't want to be around anyone with healthy children.
* I could kiss the researchers as they work for the good of humanity.
* I could slap the researchers if it would hasten a cure.
* My kids are just like yours.
* My kids are better than yours.
* My kids are worse than yours.
* I believe that suffering can bring us closer to Jesus.
* I don't want to be closer to Jesus.
I'm a little bit of all of this, often every day. It is easy to be tossed about with all the passion and lose sight of what is true, good, and beautiful:
Our lives,
Our loves,
Our Lord.
And while I will happily give up any gifts for a cure, today they are still my gifts. Today I will live well. Extremely.
Well done. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteAnd where would they be without YOU, those babies? They need you just as you are.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to this feeling of living in extremes. I think I want something, then when I get it I realise that I don't want that at all, give me the other thing. I'd say most of the time I'm pretty happy and ok overall, and then suddenly I will feel weak and sad just like you described, out of nowhere. Maybe it's normal to be in a state of flux. I've tried really hard to focus on the important things and I think this has really helped.
ReplyDeleteOh Allison, you are such a gift. I just read your post at Catholic Sistas after a particularly wretched homeschool day (four tantrums/four days...) ; our issues are trauma based, not physical, but I can so identify with what you write and the way you write. I'm so glad you are around, even if Alaska is a bit of a hike from my neck of the woods...
ReplyDeleteSusan, I hope you see this and I'm so glad you wrote. Part of my husband's job involves training about childhood trauma informed behavior so I'm a little familiar...Oh Lord, help and healing please. It is so slow. Love, A
DeleteI feel like this too! You took the words right from my heart.
ReplyDeleteIsaac is only 18 mths old with CF and I know that his life will be different. I am praying for our blessing from God that His will be done in all things, even CF.
Thanks for writing, you encourage me!!
Hi Katy, big squeezy hugs from AK. Your Isaac is lucky (in a spiritual sort of way!) to have you, too!
ReplyDelete