Monday, January 13, 2014

Extreme Mothering

Raising children with CF drives me to extremes:

* I want people to treat them just like anyone else.
* I want people to treat them with kid gloves.

* I'm comfortable in the hospital.
* I want to burn down the hospital.

* I thank God for the extra gifts in caring for kids with health problems.
* I can barely speak to God.

* I am capable and strong.
* I am weak and sad.

* I'm just like any mom.
* I don't want to be around anyone with healthy children.

* I could kiss the researchers as they work for the good of humanity.
* I could slap the researchers if it would hasten a cure.

* My kids are just like yours.
* My kids are better than yours.
* My kids are worse than yours.

* I believe that suffering can bring us closer to Jesus.
* I don't want to be closer to Jesus.


I'm a little bit of all of this, often every day. It is easy to be tossed about with all the passion and lose sight of what is true, good, and beautiful:

Our lives,
Our loves,
Our Lord.

And while I will happily give up any gifts for a cure, today they are still my gifts. Today I will live well. Extremely.


7 comments:

  1. And where would they be without YOU, those babies? They need you just as you are.

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  2. I can so relate to this feeling of living in extremes. I think I want something, then when I get it I realise that I don't want that at all, give me the other thing. I'd say most of the time I'm pretty happy and ok overall, and then suddenly I will feel weak and sad just like you described, out of nowhere. Maybe it's normal to be in a state of flux. I've tried really hard to focus on the important things and I think this has really helped.

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  3. Oh Allison, you are such a gift. I just read your post at Catholic Sistas after a particularly wretched homeschool day (four tantrums/four days...) ; our issues are trauma based, not physical, but I can so identify with what you write and the way you write. I'm so glad you are around, even if Alaska is a bit of a hike from my neck of the woods...

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    1. Susan, I hope you see this and I'm so glad you wrote. Part of my husband's job involves training about childhood trauma informed behavior so I'm a little familiar...Oh Lord, help and healing please. It is so slow. Love, A

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  4. I feel like this too! You took the words right from my heart.
    Isaac is only 18 mths old with CF and I know that his life will be different. I am praying for our blessing from God that His will be done in all things, even CF.
    Thanks for writing, you encourage me!!

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  5. Hi Katy, big squeezy hugs from AK. Your Isaac is lucky (in a spiritual sort of way!) to have you, too!

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